Let me tell you a story. The other night, I happened to be checking out a local bike night, just outside of Detroit. Hundreds of bikes were there, but everyone seemed to be flocking around one particular bike. No, it wasn't my drop seat '70s rigid, or my bro's twisted '50s bobber. It was a wicked-ass, totally insane, production custom chopper (just purchased from Super-Mega-Cycle-Land), with the most intense, realistic flamed paintjob you've ever seen. Man, it was just like all the other 300 bikes, but this one had super-real looking flames. I had never seen anything like it before. It was like it was on fire! And then, (as if it couldn't get any more intense) there was a second one just like it! Dude, let me tell you, the accountants and realtors were lined up to get a glimpse of these sick sleds.
Well, being exposed to such wicked customs got me thinking. I may be stating the obvious here, but being a custom bike builder basically comes down to three things: flashy paint, huge tires, and long frontends. The way I see it, the bigger the tire, the better the bike. The longer the front end, the bigger the rider's, well...you get the idea. It's that simple. Innovative engineering? Progressive design? It's all a way to compensate for a little back tire, if you get my meaning. So many builders out there are wasting tons of time and effort on the unique and the original. Well I say, it ain't original if I don't got a three-year, 5,000-mile warranty!
Take Hank Young's bikes for example. Sure, his attention to detail is phenomenal. Sure, his designs are at once classic and progressive, fusing today's technology with yesterday's style. But when I look at those bikes, three words come to mind: little back tire. Jeez, I think he had a 140 on the last bike of his I saw. Take it from me, Hank, you'll never get any cred using that kind of tire. If you want big bucks, you gotta go with the big rubber.
And then there's Zero Engineering. I've never seen anything like their bikes. Half of them aren't even painted, and there is not so much as a sprocket brake kit or internal throttle to be seen. And what happened to running the wires inside the frame? Really, these guys just don't get it. Pick up a copy of your favorite bike mag and take notes for Christ's sake.
Chica's work is often radically painted, but that's about it. Why use an 80ci Shovel when you can get a 100ci RevTech for half the price? That thing isn't gonna run like an Evo. And don't get me started on warranty concerns. Also, he doesn't use any billet on his bikes. Did he lose his Custom Chrome catalog or something? Give me a call Chica, I've got an extra one I'll send you! Ha.
Also, I have some advice for Russ Mitchell: flashy paintjobs. You've got the right idea, but if you want to be successful, you're going to have to start offering more colors and different paint options. Think bright orange or flamingo pink. Consider using the old stand-bys, flames and lightning bolts, or perhaps a nice skull montage. Really, despite innovation, engineering, and attention to detail, a bike just isn't a bike if it doesn't have a nice airbrushed skull paintjob.
What I just don't understand is why these other builders spend all this time, money, and effort building bikes that look totally unique when they can go to their local custom chopper dealer and get a bike that looks like everyone else's. If you want a kick-ass custom, take my advice and skip supporting the broke-ass independent builders. Go out and pick up a production custom or a nice one-(thousand)-of-a-kind steel pony. This way, when your friends see it, they won't think you've got something different and unique. They'll know you're just like them, totally independent, a run of the mill hard-core original biker (under warranty).