Top Five Reasons To Love The Dead
Very smoker-friendly
Nothing makes rock-hard abs like rigor mortis
Adds new meaning to "having the gang over for a cold one"
They don't care if you have a job
Calling when you're going to be late is optional
The only thing more fun than a little no-strings undead nookie is a chopper based around it. Be honest: How many times have you gone to a hot chick's funeral and hoped everyone would leave for five minutes? After all, dead chicks are easy.
Denny Mialki at Dark Dayz Choppers isn't a necrophiliac, but he understands that sentiment. Why else would he put "Dead Chickz are Eazy" on a T-shirt, let alone his shop mascot, seen here? It's because he loves himself some "B" horror movies. Anything Elvira had on her show in the '80s, he's probably seen in the theater.
He reinvents this chopper, The Raven, every year. That way he always has a fresh shop bike. A customer came into the shop while Denny was thinking about what to do to the bike this year and mentioned that the t-shirt design would make a good bike..
That was all the inspiration Denny needed. After all, what horror movie buff or zombie enthusiast wouldn't want that on their chopper? Dark Dayz did all the fabricating, but it was Brian and Bob Bordeaux at French Kiss Kustoms who painted The Raven.
"I wanted it swamp green," Denny said, "because we're in Florida." He told them to go wild with the zombie theme and they followed his instructions in spirit and letter. The flies, coffins, and dead women were all theirs.
Since the paint's cured, The Raven's toured all over Florida, be it local barhopping or hanging out at the DDC booth during Daytona Bikeweek, where I caught up with Denny for a photoshoot. Unfortunately, no recently deceased model could be located on our tight schedule to flop over the bike to make the shoot complete.
Yeah, I'm goin' to Hell.
Die Here Often?
The dead may be easy, but they're not beer girl easy. Zombies eat the living, but they have their pride. Here are some lines I've heard work on the coldies.
"Your tag says DOA, but your eyes say yes."
"So, what's your cause of death?"
"Formaldehyde gets me hot."
"Got any life in ya? Want some?"